Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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