I accidentally had phone sex last night
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
