i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
