i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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