when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
