i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
