We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
