I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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