Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
