did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
