worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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