You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
