Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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