I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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