I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
