Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
