I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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