just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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