So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Text me some of your sweat
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize