once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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