she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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