Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I can text with my tongue
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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