Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
