I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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