I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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