he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
