Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
