So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
