Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
