So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
