She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
