JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
