Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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