before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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