My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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