Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
