i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
