In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He did a backflip because drugs
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
