I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hippo gnu deer
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
