Sponge bath it is.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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