Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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