things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
