2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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