ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
