dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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