I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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