go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
