I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
