Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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