sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
