Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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