I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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