If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I will be naked everywhere
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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