i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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