Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
They took my balls.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
