just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
