and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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