Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
