Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
