She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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