I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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