You smell like a Billy Joel song
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
