just tell him i said nine months
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
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We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
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there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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