I just saw a hot homeless man
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
