I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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