I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
