I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Me too!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
