Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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